Thursday, November 12, 2009

Noisy sex

When I read this BBC news article a couple of days ago, I burst out laughing. Although it's about straight sex, I still think it's worth posting here. Basically, a straight couple called Caroline and Steve Cartwright have been banned from making loud noises during sex following complaints from neighbours, the local postman, and a woman taking her child to school:
The noise sounds like they are both in considerable pain. I cannot describe the noise. I have never ever heard anything like it.
It was clearly of a very disturbing nature and it was also compounded by the duration - this was not a one-off, it went on for hours at a time. It is further compounded by the frequency of the episode, virtually every night.
I guess I'm in awe of such a performance! Or perhaps they've been using some kind of drugs? If so, I want to know where I can get hold of some!

Monday, November 09, 2009

The man with more than two nipples

I was playing a quiz game with a few friends one evening last week, and the answer to one of the questions turns out to be the old James Bond film 'The man with the golden gun'.

"The man with the golden gun was also the man with three nipples, wasn't he?" says one of my friends, once the answer is known.

"Yeah, and he was called Scaramanga," answers another friend of mine, who's a bit of a geek when it comes to general knowledge.

"However, the third nipple wasn't really correct," he continues. "Additional nipples are quite rare of course, but when they do occur they tend to occur below the usual ones, and sometimes in pairs like they do in dogs and pigs for example."

"Wow, what fun :-)" adds boyfriend T, with a huge smile on his face.

"Maybe, T," answers my geeky friend, "but I don't know whether additional nipples are as sensitive as the main pair!"

None the less, boyfriend T continues to smile, and I think I know what's going through his mind. In my experience, many gay men have sensitive nipples, and as such they're definitely an erogenous zone. Although it's still not clear to me why straight guys don't enjoy having their nipples played with during sex, the idea of having sex with guys who've got more than two functional nipples to play with is quite enticing!

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Black tie

Man in black tieEarlier this year, I'm chatting to a guy on gaydar, and I'm thinking about visiting him for some fun. We've exchanged pics and he said that he thought that I was very handsome :-). From my point of view, I think that he's got a great profile too. We've also agreed the potential activities! It should now just be a question of getting his address and exchanging contact details.

GB: so would you like me to visit you mate?
Guy: yes, but can I ask u a question
GB: sure
Guy: do u mind dressing smart for me
GB: I suppose not, how smart?
Guy: as smart as u can go please. Shirt and tie, or suit, or dinner jacket and black tie?

In the past I've been asked to visit guys while wearing my gym kit, and I can also recall being asked to wear a baseball cap. I've been asked to do role play, I been invited round for fun by a rock star, and I've been paid to wank off in front of another guy. But until now, I've never been asked to wear a dinner jacket!

GB: actually I do have a dinner jacket
Guy: WOW, do u mind wearing it for me
GB: I suppose not
GB: but I do like to get naked!
Guy: OK but u don't have to get naked immediately
GB: true

Actually, I've always thought that black tie makes all men look completely desirable :-). Well, most men anyway! None the less, I'd never think of asking a guy from gaydar to wear black tie for me.

We agree all the important details, so I tell the guy that it'll take me about 40 minutes to get to him. Upstairs it doesn’t take me long to find my wing collar shirt, change into my dinner jacket, and tie my bow tie. Outside I find a taxi quite quickly, and although I sit back and try to look like I want to mind my own business, the taxi driver starts chatting to me.

"Going anywhere special?" asks the cabbie making idle conversation, noticing that I'm looking smart and gorgeous.

"Just going to visit a friend," I reply casually.

I usually enjoy chatting to taxi drivers, but on this occasion I hope that he doesn't pursue the subject. Telling him that I've dressed up to have a shag with a dinner jacket fetishist that I've never met before seems somewhat inappropriate, and lying would take more effort that I feel like devoting to the conversation.

"So is it going to be a late night then?"

"Depends ..." I answer truthfully, "and you?"

"Oh, I've just started. You're only my second job!"

"That's a 'Yes' then!"

We don't talk much more and after about a quarter of an hour, I'm in a lift in a smart apartment block in an expensive central area of London. Soon I'm knocking on the door and almost immediately it's opened by a smart looking guy who's also dressed in a dinner jacket.

"Hey, come in :-)," he says, with a broad grin on his face. Face to face I think he looks even better than he did in his profile pics :-).

"Thanks," I say smiling back, walking past him while he closes the door, "where do you want me?"

"First door on the right!"

I enter the room first and turn round to face him. Straight away, he puts his arms round my waist and leans forward to give me a slow kiss.

"Mmmm, that's a nice welcome :-)."

"Well you're a nice guy," he says, with a huge smile on his face, "can I fix you a drink?"

"Errrr," I hesitate. I'm not sure. It would be nice to have a drink with this guy, but then I feel the need to get to know him better and having a drink first would delay that!

"Are you having one?" I ask, putting my arms round his waist too.

He looks at me, kisses me again, and smiles.

"I know what we'll do," he says decisively, leaning back to take a good look at me, "let's have sex first!"

It's great to meet a guy like me who knows what he wants! We kiss each other a bit more and soon we're reaching down to see whether we can find anything interesting in each other's trousers.

"Come on," he says while I'm rubbing him gently downstairs, "let's go into the bedroom next door!"

Inside the bedroom, I take off my shoes, and I'm about to take off my trousers too when he interrupts me.

"Can you leave those on for now?"

"OK I guess :-)."

"But open your flies and make your dick accessible!"

More plain talking :-). He closes the curtains, and when he walks back to face me, I can see that his dick is poking straight up out of his trousers too!

We kiss a bit more but soon he pulls me down to lie on the bed with him.

"Have you ever done this before wearing a dinner jacket?" he asks.

"No!"

"Everyone has to have their first time!"

After a bit more kissing and fondling, he finally lets me take off my trousers.

"Here, let me wrap this round you," he says putting a pleated cummerbund round my waist. "Now I can tuck your shirt tails up out of the way! See?"

Incredible! Above the cummerbund I've got my dinner jacket on and it's still looking good, with white shirt unruffled and with my bow tie still tied. But below the cummerbund I'm completely nude. I'll never be able to think of a cummerbund in the same way again!

He takes his trousers off too, and quickly we get back to business. But we're not in any hurry so gradually things take their natural course, and eventually we're cleaning ourselves up.

"Would you like that drink now?" he asks.

"Actually just a glass of water would be great!"

"Or I could make some fresh fruit juice, would you like that?"

"OK sure, that would be great too :-)." Fresh fruit juice sounds nice so I figure that I can do without my customary glass of water!

"So do you have a boyfriend?" he asks while he's making the fruit juice.

"No, but there's a couple of guys that I'm dating," I answer, "what about you?"

"Actually I do have a boyfriend, but he's away on business at the moment."

"Does he know what you get up to while he's away?"

"No! But we've been together for over ten years."

"Wow," I answer, not at all surprised by his carefree attitude to infidelity. "Actually until a couple of years ago I'd been with my boyfriend for eighteen years, but unfortunately we ended up splitting up :-(."

"So do you have regulars?" he asks me, changing the subject.

"Yes, a few! You?"

"Yeah, I've got a few fuckbuddies :-). Actually, the reason that I was online this evening was that two of my regulars let me down today. I like to have a bit of entertainment lined up when my boyfriend is away! But one guy's got flu or something, and the other's suddenly got too much work :-(."

I don't mind being third choice for the evening. It was certainly interesting dressing up.

"Actually," he continues, "I think you might like one of my fuckbuddies. Let's go over to my laptop and I'll show you!"

Over on his laptop, he's still logged into a web site that I don't recognise. He brings up a couple of profiles of other guys, and in their profile pics they're both wearing suits.

"What web site is that?" I ask.

"It's Recon, haven't you ever heard of it?"

"Errr no, actually, is it any good?"

"Yeah, it's very good if you've got a particular fetish :-)," he replies, "because that's how everyone gets categorised."

He clicks a few buttons, and brings a list of all the guys based in London who're currently logged on.

"See, I'm a suit fetishist, but there's a leather guy, that guy is into bondage, and so on. It really helps you meet guys who're into the same thing as you. I was lucky tonight meeting you on gaydar. For a guy like me, gaydar is a bit hit and miss."

"So do you always do it in a suit?" I ask, fascinated by what I'm hearing.

"No, not always. For example, there's a guy who lives near you that I visit sometimes. We're not really compatible, but he's really huge. So every now and then, I just can't resist going round to play with his massive cock!"

We chat a bit more about various things, but eventually it seems like time to go. It's interesting talking to guys like that, but I don't think I'll ever be so exclusively into any one particular fetish. Instead of fantasising about suits or rubber or leather or being tied up or feet or whatever, I'm more into the guys themselves!

Monday, November 02, 2009

Categories of 'Dear GB' emails

It's been three years since I posted my first "Dear GB" email and started trying to give advice to readers who asked for it. Since then I've done over 100 of those posts! At this stage, I think it would be useful to try and categorise all the postings that I've done, so as to make it easier for people who're seeking advice to search through the archives.

One popular category of email that I've posted relates to coming out. These emails are from guys who're not sure whether they're gay or not, or from guys who're having problems coming out:
Coming out
  • 20-Jul-09 Email from a bicurious student
  • 26-May-09 Email from a closeted Asian gay guy
  • 19-Apr-09 Email from a Londoner curious about gay sex
  • 14-Oct-08 Email from a bi-curious guy in his 20's
  • 12-Aug-08 Email from a bisexual guy in love with another guy
  • 21-Jun-08 Email from a British guy who's ethnically Indian
  • 13-Jun-08 Email from a guy who's confused by gay culture
  • 14-Jan-08 How does a closeted 25 year old gay virgin build a social life
  • 24-Nov-07 Email from a gay guy who's not out yet
  • 22-Jul-07 Is there a medication to stop people being gay?
  • 25-May-07 Email from a gay chinese guy who feels he can't come out
  • 18-Mar-07 An email from a young reader who's not sure if he's gay
The next category of email relates to guys who have come out, but who want advice dating or boyfriend hunting, or who just want to know how to meet other gay guys:
Dating, boyfriend hunting, or just wanting to make gay friends
  • 29-Oct-09 Email from a young gay banker in Asia
  • 26-Sep-09 Email from a young gay banker
  • 18-Sep-09 Message from a guy who hasn't had much luck online
  • 1-Sep-09 The cop out
  • 14-Aug-09 Email from a young guy in love with another guy
  • 12-Jul-09 Email from a gay student in the UK
  • 18-Jun-09 Email from a gay guy who wants to 'find himself'
  • 3-May-09 Email from a guy who wants to lose his virginity
  • 5-Apr-09 Email from a guy who wants a boyfriend
  • 29-Mar-09 Email from a gay guy who moved to London
  • 27-Jan-09 The rules of playing 'hard to get'
  • 10-Nov-08 Email from a gay guy wanting dating advice
  • 21-Sep-08 Email from a guy with a dating dilemma
  • 15-Jul-08 Email from a guy who used to be in a difficult relationship
  • 1-Apr-08 Another email from the gay guy with the dating issue
  • 5-Mar-08 Email from a gay guy with a dating issue
  • 31-Dec-07 Email from a gay teenager
  • 29-Oct-07 How do I meet other gay professionals in Asia?
  • 11-Oct-07 Email from a guy with a potential boyfriend situation
  • 25-Aug-07 Email from a gay guy who wants a relationship
  • 28-Jul-07 Email from a guy with an ex-boyfriend situation
  • 16-Jul-07 Do all gay relationships start with sex?
  • 31-May-07 Email from a young guy looking for a boyfriend
  • 18-Apr-07 An email from a Southeast Asian student in Scotland
  • 18-Dec-06 An e-mail from a student
However, the biggest category concerns relationships themselves. These emails are from guys who're in a gay relationship where problems have arisen, or perhaps where the relationship is coming to an end or has recently ended:
Relationships
  • 30-Sep-09 The philosophy of Butters Stotch
  • 3-Aug-09 Another email from a guy in his first gay relationship
  • 10-May-09 Email from a guy in his first gay relationship
  • 26-Apr-09 Email from an Asian guy with a relationship dilemma
  • 22-Mar-09 Email from a guy with a boyfriend and a 'personal trainer'
  • 10-Mar-09 Difficult conversations
  • 22-Feb-09 Love, the closet, and other boyfriend issues
  • 12-Feb-09 Email from a guy with a long-term boyfriend
  • 29-Dec-08 Email from a guy with relationship difficulties
  • 17-Nov-08 Email from a guy with a relationship dilemma
  • 28-Aug-08 Email from a broken-hearted gay guy
  • 2-Aug-08 Are gay male relationships different from straight marriages?
  • 2-Jul-08 Our distraught Mexican friend
  • 21-Apr-08 Email from a guy with a mid-life boyfriend crisis
  • 25-Feb-08 Email from a gay guy with long-term relationship issues
  • 31-Jan-08 Pillow talk
  • 6-Jan-08 Email from a successful gay guy with relationship problems
  • 4-Nov-07 Email about gay marriage in the UK
  • 23-Oct-07 Dear GB
  • 11-Aug-07 An email about fidelity and bisexality
  • 11-Jul-07 Email about handling hope in a long distance relationship
  • 2-Jul-07 Email from a gay guy with relationship issues
  • 22-Jun-07 Email from a guy in a difficult relationship
  • 13-Jun-07 Email from a gay American guy with relationship problems
  • 6-May-07 Email from a guy with a closeted boyfriend
  • 24-Apr-07 Email from a young gay guy in a long distance relationship
  • 25-Mar-07 An email from a young gay reader in a relationship
  • 24-Dec-06 An email from a gay male student in San Francisco
  • 5-Dec-06 An email from a gay guy in San Francisco
  • 9-Nov-06 An email from a gay male reader
Sometimes the boundary between friendships and boyfriends becomes blurred. A few emails relate to gay guys who're not sure where to draw the boundary between friends, fuckbuddys, and boyfriends:
Friendships and relationships
  • 12-Oct-09 Email from a guy with a couple of difficult friendships
  • 10-Jun-09 Email from a guy with feelings for a male friend
  • 12-Apr-09 Email from a guy with a crush on a guy with a boyfriend
  • 14-Mar-09 Email from a distressed catholic schoolboy
  • 5-May-08 Email from a guy who received a message on gaydar
  • 19-Aug-07 Manipulative love or business friendship
Some emails concern sexual issues, or relate to sexual health:
Sexual issues
  • 21-Oct-08 Email from a young guy with a concern about HIV
  • 29-Apr-08 Email from a guy with a confidence problem
  • 20-Mar-08 Am I too greedy in the sack?
  • 11-Mar-08 An email about condoms, oral sex, and dick size!
  • 22-Jul-07 More about condoms and erection problems
  • 11-May-07 An email about condoms and erection problems
Another category relates to being gay at work:
Being gay at work
  • 19-Oct-09 Email from an out gay guy who works for a bank
  • 17-May-09 Email from a gay guy accused of sexually harassing a woman
  • 16-Jan-09 Email from a gay guy about being Out in the workplace
  • 9-Sep-08 Email from a gay guy about a guy in his office
  • 23-Jul-08 Email from a gay American navy veteran
  • 9-Apr-07 An email from a gay reader starting a career in investment banking
  • 22-Feb-07 Conversational evasion techniques
  • 16-Nov-06 An e-mail from fellow blogger cuteCTguy
Most advice requests that I get are from gay guys, or guys who think that they might be gay. However I've also had a few advice request from women. Women are very welcome to send me requests for advice :-). So far, these emails usually relate to the fact that a guy they know is gay, or might be gay:
Advice requests from women
  • 4-Oct-09 Email from a woman with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
  • 3-Feb-08 Email from a woman with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
  • 20-Oct-07 Email from a female reader with a bisexual ex-boyfriend
  • 10-Sep-07 An email from a female reader with boyfriend problems
  • 5-Jul-07 Email from a young woman with boyfriend worries
  • 3-Apr-07 An email from a young gay woman
  • 30-Jan-07 An e-mail from a mother about her daughter's boyfriend
  • 26-Nov-06 An email from a female reader
  • 5-Nov-06 An email from a female reader: Is my boyfriend gay?
Readers are still very welcome to send me emails if they want me and other readers to try and give them advice :-). However, before sending me an advice request, it would be helpful if people could check to make sure that none of the existing postings address their problem.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Email from a young gay banker in Asia

Towards the end of last month, I got the following email from one of my Asian readers:

Hi

Have been a great fan of your blog from Hong Kong. Actually I've encountered two problems and thinking if you could give me some advice...

A few brief facts about myself - I graduated from college last year and am now working in an investment bank. I'm in my early twenties and had 3 boyfriends in the past (one in high school, another one in college and one last year). The first two were ended because of staying apart in different places and for the last one, it was more like different values and something just couldn't work out. I've been observing people around me and my ideal boyfriend would be someone mature, who is successful and has his own thoughts and opinion. I think I'm actually more into older men but of course I don't mind if he's a tall and muscular type :P I did go out to the bars and clubs with some of my friends but it doesn't seem easy to look for my Mr Right. Have made some new friends there, they are all nice people but with quite different cultural background. Most of them there are only looking for some short-term relationships and we don't have many common topics. I don't really have to look for another iBanker or consultant but maybe someone who is successful in his career who has similar goals too. I took a glimpse of gaydar in HK however people there are more like someone who would spend 24hrs online and never really care something other than sex and fun. Here in Asia, they don't have a LGBT network here in banks so I have no idea how I could get in touch with people that's similar to my situation. I know you might find my post boring as you've just answered another London gay banker about the tips, however it doesn't work out in HK. Therefore I'm wondering if you could give me some advice on this please? Have you heard of something similar to interbank network here in HK? Whenever I meet someone that fits my criteria, they are all married. You know how sad that feeling is when I saw a wedding ring on their fourth finger.

On the other hand, I actually want to seek career advice from you too, as I don't know who I can talk to about this. But please ignore me if you're too busy. I'm an Institutional Sales and covering some not-too-attractive products which bonus and pay won't be as good as things like equity derivatives. I have a very, very nice boss here and let me to have my own personal life and don't need me to cover the desk overnight. It's going to be my second year here, but I feel myself more like an assistant instead of a real sales. I don't really have to make cold calls as most of the institutions that meet our criteria are already our clients. Whenever my boss is in town, she will be the person who talks to the clients. Not that I'm inexperienced, but the person who works in my role before told me she had the same problem too. Other than that, I want to cover more products as well because what I'm doing now is something very narrow (I have no idea how I could reach my sales budget next year) and I just want to reach out myself and try something more, however that will be something out of her control (as she's not in charge of these other products). My boss is just too nice and sometimes I don't know how to ask her, moreover it's like I know she might not be able to help me too as it's nothing do with her. What could I do? I'm still too junior to be headhunted to another bank. I know I can talk to someone more senior than my manager but it's like I've skipped my manager and makes her look bad. I know it's a silly question but it would be great if you could give me some advice.

Sorry for my really long email. Look forward to seeing your reply soon...! :)

Have a nice week ahead!


The reader's first question is a bit similar to a question that I answered a couple of years ago about meeting gay professionals in Asia. Unfortunately I still don't know of an equivalent, anywhere in Asia, to the monthly London drinks event for gay bankers. However, it's not clear to me that the LGBT networks that global banks have in their Western offices aren't active worldwide, because I heard that one global bank expanded its network into India.

In terms of boyfriend hunting, I always think that it's a good idea to look for potential boyfriends online. As I mentioned in the post two years ago, fridae.com is a good online place to meet guys in Asia. The reader also says that he's keen on older guys. I'm not sure how old he means when he says that, however as a result of past comments on this blog, I've learned about a couple of web sites that cater for older guys and their admirers. One is clubsilver.org and the other is silverdaddies.com. I'm not sure how international silverdaddies.com is, however Clubsilver.org does have a presence in Hong Kong. In general though, the best strategy is usually to relax and to socialise with as many different types of gay friends as possible. Lots of guys say that they met their long term boyfriend when they least expected it. I'd also recommend that the reader keeps an open mind in terms of what kind of guy would make his ideal boyfriend.

Although I don't usually do career advice, I think this reader's query is relatively straightforward. He's only been working in an investment bank for about a year, so it's very very early days for him. For now, I think that he should try and learn as much as he can about as many different aspects of the business as possible. For example, if he finds that he has spare time during the day he should find material to read, and he should attend as many optional presentations as possible. There should be a training budget, so again he should make sure that he uses whatever is allocated to him by attending courses. No one expects someone to stay forever in the kind of job that fresh graduates do, so it's quite acceptable to raise his career aspirations during his appraisals, and get the advice of his line manager. I'd suggest that he needs to stay put for at least another year, but if no opportunities for career development end up presenting themselves, then armed with all his knowledge eventually he should look elsewhere.

Does anyone else have any thoughts for this reader?